Very cool day today. I went with my brother and my father to the Lancaster airport because my brother is wanting to learn to fly. well they took us up and my brother got to fly to some extent so that was really cool since that was my first flying experience but over all i really don't know what the big deal is with people being afraid to fly.

anyway after that we went to Chili's then to target and now i'm back home relaxing and prolly going to take a power nap while i fall asleep to red vs blue.

and for your enjoyment i'm going to post 2 of my favorite scenes in the red vs blue series.



red vs blue church memorial

This is one of those things that i always run through my mind quite a bit. I'm sure its the same for ladies but to a certain extent but because of the way men are brought up to the idea of what a "man" should be i don't think women know or grasp how hard it is for the guy as well.

Ok in the dating area women have to do one thing. look attractive that's it, if they choose to give it up then that's another thing they will have to do.

For men nowadays for dating here is what we have to do. because apparently women don't think just a relationship in general is a challenge (which it is it's a real challenge) us guys we have to somehow (and i'm still trying to figure this out...i'm very bad at balancing things) get you to notice us by way of looks, personality and everything else under the sun...then but because women like to play games it seems more then they do care about finding true love (because lets face it your companion should be your best friend....so next time your with your best guy friend...ask yourself will he be by my side no matter what...is he always there for me now?). But for some reason to be with a women you are not allowed to be her friend.....so it's this game of getting her attention and then disregarding her and making her feel like shes not all that.....which boggles the mind....why would you want to be with someone who doesn't treasure you? i can understand to a point...where is the fun if there is no hunt? but that's a false challenge. a real challenge is when your in the relationship. because everyone has differences everyone is stubborn in there own way about certain things...and the challenge with a relationship is learning to find that middle ground.

Now for the image of a "man" where does one find ideas of what something should be though out history.....books, movies, tv, music....everything that does what it supposed to do ENTERTAIN US. People need to realize what is reality and what is fantasy.

Here is what i have seen from this....and what makes the girls get all crazy...lol and what they need to realize is there lovely characters in there books and movies are fake....those actors 90% of them are prolly assholes. same with the band members. So what do have as far as a guy.....In the fantasy world (and guys do try to replicate it) your not to have emotion what so ever. if you are sad depressed anything....your supposed to take it out in anger or your supposed to compress it. your not allowed to show love until that one moment and your not supposed to talk or anything your just supposed to go right in for a kiss. the men that you see in movies and in books.......are fake not real. no human can be like that...and how can you truly have a meaningful relationship like that.....and thats the funny thing about movies....they never show you the long haul of that love affair....because in movies and in books to show real "love" it has to be shown by the most 2 painful things that you never would want to go through if you loved someone (to get the point across) either by death or by cheating....you can look back as far as books have been written these are the 2 main things to get love across to people....it always saddens me. i mean braveheart one of the best stories....both of the women he was with......one executed the other he had a love affair with....it is the structure to show passion of love.....it's sick in perverted if you ask me.

to be a man......I find that a man is tough to be even in realistic terms. My gods just ask all the mother in laws what they think about there daughters husbands (tho they seem to be cool if your rich...i'll leave that one alone before i start to boil) a man should be protecting, comforting, loveing, open, thoughtful, kind, gentle, firm, supportive....a man should be allowed to be open about his feelings without feeling discriminated (which is sad. i feel the more i talk about my feelings the more women find me unattractive because i show my weaknesses to them. which it doesn't mean i'm week in the slightest it MEANS I'M FUCKIN HUMAN not like these pre-scripted fake things that this world calls a "real man". when i show my weaknesses and my flaws i'm giving you a piece of me because i trust you with that...it's a gift of trust...and it should be respected not looked down upon). a man should be able to support his family (something i haven't gotten too yet in my life....but ask my ex when the going gets tough i try my hardest..i will do everything in my power to support my gf/family and also make sure i'm also taking the time to try and make them feel special).

I think the reality is we have too high of expectations when it comes to love the women i like typically arent the hottest things on the meter but i enjoy there company and i know i can trust them with my thoughts...but being a guy it seems we have to be above and beyond anything a real man can be

So now with me getting this brand new job and thinking to myself what i would need and my brother giving me my car money (after clutch i'll have an extra $300) i have to sit down and think of things that i feel i would need soon. so first by far in my book is an external Harddrive. My computer has 4 harddrives in it and it just hits the 120 gig status. My harddrives are also to there max limit. i'm always having to take my 4 gig thumb drive and transfer my stuff down to my brothers computer just so i can burn the stuff on a dvd (my dvd burner stopped working). so thats my first little thing i feel i need to get. so thats going to roughly take out that $300 that i'm going to have extra for a car because i want to get a 1 terabyte external harddrive that way i never have to worry about it for awhile.

then my next thing is a big step but i do need one before it's too late. but i need a new computer. my computer is from 2002 i have picked this thing up before and thrown it to the ground......i need a new one. it's noisy as hell and occasionally the fans will spaz out. so i know i don't got to long before one day the thing is just going to overheat and burn out something on it from the CPU fan not working. So i think since i got a pretty damn good job now i think i'm going to save up for a macbook since FINALLY i'll get to own a mac.....then i can decide wether or not i like them or not...but something tells me i'll love it very much. my assumptions so far so that way i'm not too dissapointed is that the mac and windows computers crash and get errors equally (which i'm quite happy with xp's error problems i rarely get them...besides program errors. but thats the only thing i'm really concerned about because well with bootcamp now you can run windows in mac so it's not a big deal about computability issues. the only thing i know for sure is I HATE VISTA

Rooster Teeth is making a new series under the Red vs Blue title

well i saw my one friend on facebook changed her webpage status one a blogger and i realized i have neglected my blog on here....then again i havn't been blogging much at all lately..which i think is a good thing considering how open i am on them.....it tends i think to repel people from my life instead of gathering them closer to me.

so anyway life update.

I'm moving forward ALOT as of recent. i got a job at the starbucks distribution center (which i need to call them prolly tomorrow so find out whats going on with that...they said i should start on the 14th but they said they would call me back to confirm it as definate and so far nothing....so i'm getting a little worried. but it's a done deal no matter i already took my drug test and all that good stuff.

Then i got a car about 2 weeks ago before i got the job......freedom finally. independance. the feeling of not having a car is like not being a whole man...like not being able to provide for your family.....it's one of the worst feelings a man can ever feel.

SO with a car and a new job...that will bring me in enough money to actually start being able to enjoy my freedom i am pretty sure the next goal is to start studying.....or just take it right away and see how well i do at it......but GED is the next step. then College...sadly i have no clue what i want to do......so i might just major in writing (i know that is not the propper title but who cares) and then minor in theology.....that way I can write my sexy fantasy books and then if i want to i have theology under my belt i can write about that as well. cause those 2 things are what i keep going back too.

anyway thats all i got for tonight