well i'm not sure if this is going to be the title of the FIRST thing i put up for people to listen too but this title was inspired (as well as the lyics) by someone who i hold very special to me and hope that one day she may wake up and become a women. but sadly she hasn't reached that time in her life.

anyway the title is called "EGO WHORE" (lol thats even almost tempting for the name of my project). So i must thank her for that...because i really didn't know what to actually really write about.....frankly i was just going to worry about the music first then later down the road slap in some lyrics so songs.

now i do have another song that has already been written along time ago but i'm not sure if it will go well with industrial like music....it's titled "bully" i know some people know about that song...then i wish i still had that one i wrote about my ex.....even though i have nothing against her anymore...it was still SOMETHING.

and this is also why you should never date a musician...they need drama to write about...so they will purposely create it in there life.....i'm not anything as of right now but if really get into this..damn straight i'll want to get writing inspiration somehow by making my own drama.

well if everything goes to plan this coming paycheck i'm going to be ordering my stuff to start recreating music. I'm getting overtime this week and last week i almost reached 40hrs so basically i'm going to set $400 side...i owe $100 to my mom, $100 to my brother, and then i'm guestimateing about $100 to $150 for gas for the next 2 weeks, and then i need to get my oil changed BADLY!!!

but after that it's time to shop...I'm going with american musical for my stuff...because well i want my stuff NOW!!! and american musical has this nice little paying program where they don't do a credit check...they just allow you to use a credit card (debitcard) and pay for shipping up fron and then they cut the price into 3's so when you order it you pay shipping and the first part then 2 months later it's paid in full...and with musical equipment that is A MUST!!! but anyway here is what i'm purchasing to start out with.....more definitely to come down the road. because even if i'm never good at this shit it will still be fun to experiment with it...as of right now i'm trying to go cheap as possable to all my stuff is going to be midi for right now.....down the road i'll actually get real hardware so i can play live without the need of a computer.

so first is the M-Audio Axiom 49
(I'm still trying to figure out how he triggers the beat in the song...i see him turn it off but it seems to turn on bye it's self...got me)


Then the other thing i'm getting is the Korg PadKontrol. for a couple reason...it will be a great drum machine/sampler....plus for starting out and not knowing how to really place a keyboard i think this thing will get me started pretty easy because you can set the pads to be a complete scale for any instrument...meaning i can set up a scale and play whatever i want and it will sound good and not like i don't know shit....this video doesn't really show the full power of it...but it was the most fun i seen...most were tutorials on how to do stuff.


I'm also going to get a keyboard stand obviously...and until i can figure out what to do as far as a stand for the Korg padkontrol that is prolly going to just sit on my desk....something tells me i'll have to figure out where to move a alot of stuff on my desk.

so no sleep and an 11 hour shift.....I'm FUCKING BEAT...and also hungry...so food first before bed and i have to wait for it to cook so...a blog in the mean time (rahh got to be there at 10 tomarrow...monday i get a break though...kinda i don't have to be in till 3...then i open so i got to be there super chipper and early.

anyway it's funny how life has been working out for me as of late...not that it's a big deal because i can wait thats not a problem...but the girls i seem to like nowadays are either waiting for mister right or waiting for marrage...what brought this trend on? i know my generation it was sex..yes please. but anyway i see a new girl at work that i hadn't seen before...shes cute made eye contact a few times...does she see anything in me....doesn't really matter. but later at the end of the night were doing the finishing touches and this guy starts talking to her and they get on being a christian....of course this guy is a christian (you know the kind that fuck, snort up...anything maybe even murder...who knows...under the sun thats considered a sin...you now a TYPICAL Christian). But then she opens her mouth....this is one hardcore bitch. home schooled, dads a preacher, has never cussed...etc. etc...there is nothing it seems with the way this girl talks that is going to break her in anyway.....which is really cool to some certain extent and i respect that. so again even if she is cute and we got along ok....the whole religious thing would get in the way BIG time.....but i still think i want to get to know her.....mainly for talking about religion...I find it fasinating that someone can grow up and be taught something....and believe it...do these people open any other "ancient Holy scriptures" or do they just take the bible at face value and just except it.

anyway.......just thoughts going into a person that hasn't slept for 24hrs and is completely exhausted

So not working for a month really really kills your body because well working the first 2 days at my new job took alot out of me...sadly. well my ass has just started to get kicked today cause from today (technically yesterday) until next weds i'll be working....blah and it's not typical hours either.....tomarrow i'm working 11 hrs sunday i'm working 10 hrs....i mean i'm going to love the paycheck...but god damn am i going to be dead....well at least maybe i'll get on a normal schedule where you know i sleep at night and am awake in the day...

well at least i get to work with a lady with a tight little body on her...thats always an enjoyment. and i got my first paycheck tonight....only worked a total of less then 8hrs and i got $75 so yippie me i can't wait until i get a real full paycheck. since this week it will prolly end up being like 37 hrs and next week is another 37....so i'll be pretty damn excited.

anyway i'm going to get ready to watch a movie.....for some reason i had the sudden urge to watch Winona Ryder films.....i mean don't get me wrong shes pretty damn hot with some nice assets but i'm not sure why i have such a urge......last night i watched beatle juice then this morning i watched "The Ten"...stuipid movie but she does fuck a wooden puppet.....lol so that made it worth it. then tonight i'm prolly going to watch girl interrupted...then tomorrow either Dracula or the crucible...i really like both of those....anyway cya all later

So It's been awhile since i posted here but i've been kind of out of it. still am really. it's prolly cause i hadn't been working for so long that i'm constantly tired or staying up all night even when i am going to work in the morning type of thing.

but right now i'm in the house alone for the whole weekend because my grandfather has a brain clot and my Mom and Daniel are going over there to see him this week end and be there for the sergery so it's going to be pretty lonely around here.

but i've decided to get working on my thing that always seems to get delayed when i'm trying to do it. last time i had to move into my brothers house and i was on the edge i mean one paycheck away from getting it. but i'm going to start on my music project that i've been wanting to do for awhile. though this time i'm thinking about it a little more clearly then before...before someone wanted me to get the stuff to be in a band with them and that was cool and all but well it wasn't what i wanted to do. plus for the stuff i had to get it was very exspensive....all the hardware stuff so i can perform WITHOUT a computer. if anybody has looked into that shit it's EXSPENSIVE as hell. becuase well first i would need a synth. that was $400 then i would need a sampler thats roughly another $400 then a preamp to hook my equipment up to...and thats just the basics so i'm looking at roughly a $1000....just so i can start doing stuff...now with the way i want to do it....basically i don't want to preform live...at least not at this stage. i just want to be able to make some music and put it out there so some people might enjoy it though it's mainly only going to be for me......just like my blogs.

but what i'm going to get it since i already have a computer some nice speakers and a nice big monitor for making music i only need one thing thats holding me back since i already have the software too (reason 4, FL 8 recycle) and that is a midi controller.....a keyboard that does absolutely nothing unless you plug it into the computer.....thats the cheapest way to get a nice studio going....because it does nothing but sends computer information to your computer there very easy and cheap to make.....it doesn't have a computer inside with a huge sound bank or anything....and it doesn't because well computers are one man bands nowadays....and with reason the drums pianos etc etc sound realistic as all hell. I mean later down the road i'll need a mic preamp and stuff but thats way down the road since first i got to make some music....then i can create some lyrics and match them to the songs of my disire.....so heres my game plan.

first MIDI controller...i'm going to go with the M-Audio Axiom 49

This will allow me to do a multitude of things as i grow and learn how to use the software better and the controller it's self. Every button (even the keys) on the controller can be mapped to do different things...now somethings are kinda obvious like the play record and all that good stuff are meant so you don't have to keep using the mouse to hit the record buton....but they can be made to do what ever. but one of my favorite things this has got on it is the trigger pads on the top right that you can use for drums or just to set off samples during a song. but anyway i think this controller will prolly be the best for me for many years to come.

Then later down the road (because i need one anyway) i need a new computer......again because i'm always strapped for cash i look at the value and what i get....sadly until i start making some real money the laptop is never in my sites because well....even though it would be better for music exspecially if i wanted to go live down the road.....it's just not in the cards right now...i'd much rather get something that can kill and that i won't have to buy another one for another 7 years (this is how old my one is right now)...so, and because my computer has been through hell and back (i have picked it up and thrown it down.....i have punched it.....and i abuse it on a daily basis) I'm going with the same company.....DELL. and i've always liked there customer service.....infact when i first got this computer the GFX card was messed up on it...and you know how that feels you get a new computer and you CAN'T EVEN USE IT.....oh there will be hell to pay!!!...but we called up dell the next day that had a new card in my hands....so i've always been happy with the service i've gotten....and that is the only service i needed from them.....meaning they build a good computer...even my own computer that i built didn't last this long (granted i had tooken shortcuts when i could so i could get it up and running as quickly as possable and bought cheap crap here and there). so my next dell on my mind is looking like Dell Inspiron 518 ...i would have pictures but it's too new apparently to have any pictures except on and thats not very good......though dell.com has pictures so just click on the link so see them...but at least it will match my external harddrive with that shiny black.....but i figured i'll go all out with it (except on certain things) i'll get the 4gigs of ram...since i'm ALWAYS bitching about ram on my computer now. i'm only going to get a 500gig harddrive just because i'm not going to be using it for games (maybe 1 or 2) but i want it to strictly be for music and general computer use (internet). plus i got this 1tb external HD which still has 708gigs free that i don't seem to be using up anything fast....plus by the time i get this computer 1tb external HD are going to be even cheaper...guessing $200 so i should be able to grab another one to put beside the one i already have. but the kicker which i personally like is....if i bought the computer and just the computer it would have cost me a pretty penny for just the computer.....but if i buy it with a monitor i for some reason get like some instant savings for certain things i add onto it.......so with a monitor it comes out to about the same price......SOOO i'm going to add another 22" widescreen LCD screen....that way i can dual monitor because well frankly i'm going to need the space when i get really into this...and it's got a webcam build into it along with more USB ports.....which i'll need them badly......which thats another thing that i love about all this musical equipment that i'll be getting.....it's optional for the ac-adapter....it can run purely off the usb power.

then after the computer I'm going to want to get a pre-amp which i'm going to go with M-Audio Fast Track Pro Driver. (yes most of my stuff will prolly be M-Audio because so far from what i can tell it's a reliable company from what everbody talks about)
This thing will literally have everything i personally could ever want to record vocals...i can also make my life a little simpler and be able to literally plug EVERYTHING musically through this and then have it run into my computer...which is prolly what i'll do....granted i know i'm going to need this for vocals.....i'm still not versed in music enough to know it's full capacity of this item but it's a givin i'll need it to record at least vocals...and it has phantom power in it....so i'll need a condensor microphone...since that is what phantom power uses....so this box will help later if i want to record other "live" stuff such as guitar which my moms husband has quite a few guitars that i can grab and use if i want. hes also got a nice mic but i'll have to be sure that it can use something that is non phantom powered.....but i can hook up turntables...sampler etc etc up to this thing......basically it allows me to hook up anything to it and record it on my computer. the really nice thing is this is compatable with Pro-tools M-powered 7.....which well if your in the industry protools is the standard for recording music.....all your big bands record using it.....this version is made to work on M-audio's product hence the M-powered part but it's the same thing that is used on the $10,000 systems.....from what i can gather. anyway here is a little diagram of what you would want to hook up to it.

















The next thing would be a micophone.....i naturally need a condesed and i want the brand that for the most part everybody trusts.....so i'm prolly going to go with the Shure SM86 because it's not too overly exspensive for a condenser mic
but this is another thing i need to do research on because i don't know much about mics besides the typical ones everyon likes





but anyway i'd like my own personal music to sound like VNV nation and Enomine to of my favorite industrial trance bands. but the problem is Enomine has one BIG thing that sets them apart from the rest.....the choir...and frankly that is something that can't be reproduced on the computer....i'd have to hire a choir and rent a studio big enough to record there voice......that is not going to happen for awhile

here is enomine...the video is kinda dumb...but all there videos are tied together.


And here is VNV...not there actual video someone made it...but this is one of my favorite songs if i ever created a list of favorite songs....that list could go on forever prolly too.




and later down the road if i was going to play live i would want a band along with myself because frankly i can't stand like the chemical brothers and what not.....they sit up there and play on there computers and what not and don't interact with the crowd....granted they do the light shows...but come on thats not the same at all...i don't know i just don't like it...but if i did live stuff i'd want to sound kinda like Dope stars inc. because granted there music isn't ground breaking but it's just fun...and i think i'd enjoy doing that ah i couldn't find a good video of them really...here is an okay one i guess....and the girl that made it is pretty hot so i'll throw it on here (though i won't be dressing up like a queer anytime soon lol)


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but anyway.....on a side note i finally got to try Sake....it's not too bad...if i choose an alcholic drink to drink it might be that.....mainly because it's meant to be sipped..but there is different ways of prepareing it.....though i got this cheap little thing at the market for like $4 and it prolly has about 5 sake cups worth in the bottle...and then on top of it it gives you a little sake cup too...so it's a nice little handy gizmo....i'm going to try other ones though to see what others taste like.....i would like one the a sweet taste if there is such a Sake.