So this stuff is like clock work. yet it gets me every time. i don't know why it bugs me or why i can't even prepare for the blow. it crushes me every time.

I'm there for my "friends"...i wouldn't call most of them friends. most of them are female companions that i take a liking to. some (most) i know i'm not compatable. some (one) mean the world to me. I'm there for them because no one else seems to be I do this because i care for them very much. and when there in trouble everything is great i feel like i actually have a friend...maybe even possablly more. but I'm naieve soon as there problems are patched up. they don't need me and drop me so quick. i mean don't get me wrong there at least nice enough to give me 2 or 3 word responses when i try to talk to them...i guess i should be happy about that at least.

I know the proper thing to do...drop them like a hat (where did this exspression come from...doesn't make too much sense). but i know from exsperience the next one that comes around will do the exact same thing...history seems to repeat it's self. and how am i supposed to let them go when they mean so much to me.

people seem to love just playing with my heart......thats right though i don't know how hard it is for them...when everything is fine they feel loved in the person who there with....when everything isn't fine they might not have a physical love but they have someone there you could give them the most emotional love they could ever want...your right it does sound really hard for you.

where I have it easy.....alone constantly...for getting what it feels like to kiss someone let alone just hold someone.....having your emotions and feelings tossed aside everytime life gets better for that other person...yup nothing could be easier and less heart wrenching for me