So I'm not sure if people actually are going to want to be reading my blogs much anymore but i'm actually going to be using this as a real journal i'm starting my training and well first thing is first is i'm supposed to start a journal and right at least 3 pages a day. and it says if i can't think of stuff to fill in for roughly 3 pages start repeating the sentence "i can't think of anything to write" the reason is so i get sick of writing/typing that that i find something to write about in my life even if it's the most boring as hell thing in the world. i'm going to be doing this for 2 reasons....1. to start my spiritual path and then 2. is to get in the habbit of writing sooo much that i start writing my book....granted i still need to do research on quite a bit of things. i have my book on alchemy though it's only one book, i have my book on dragons and dragon magick (sorry you can't have a fantasy book without dragons....you just can't) and i even got myself a crystal ball and a book about that to study that.....granted not a real one...though i'd like to get a real one there so beautiful but your looking at $200 for one the size of my fist....yikes. and i need to do a few more things as far as studying goes to really get this book on the ball. i have the story down to the T i mean there is a few mystery things that i'm unsure of cause well i want to try to make it really unique and not be a typical type fantasy book.....nice little people in a village get taken away on a adventure (lol thats how my book starts...so sue me) and fights an evil that will dominate the whole world.....i want to put a really big spin on it...something to question your own life choices, your own faith...and yes with who i am it's going to be deeply died into religion....i want it to be a story but a story with a huge underlining of religion and politics.....that even though you know it's a story of fantasy that i'm trying to get real world topics across to you. but without a doubt the writing is going to be very unique. i think anyone that knows my personality will agree on that much. I want to bring the fantasy genre to a whole new level where not everyone can handle it to a certain extent. that is the #1 thing that has always bothered me about fantasy....at the very most and this is pushing it fantasy books if rated movie wise PG-13 is the max i've seen it. I want it to use my term "gritty" i want it R to possibly NC-17 and i'm not talking just sex...cause i'm sure thats exactly the first thing that crosses there mind when they think NC-17...no I'm talking about bringing the worst realities of this world into a work of fantasy...sure there is going to be sex in it.....but there is also going to be rape, cannibalism, gay sex (since that is still a big issue....and i'm talking about gay sex not the good kind hehe) occultism, self mutilation, torture just anything that could be taboo and make it super detailed and super "gritty"

I'm not sure why i feel i need to write in this manner maybe i do need to get my own demons out....or maybe it's just that i feel that what John Doe from "Se7en" is write when he said "Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention."