Love = Creation                  Hate = Destruction

These are the very basic and pure forms of these 2 emotions. No matter how to you look at it if you love something you are creating something. In the spiritual sense every living thing even this universe was made by a thought and if you put hate into something you can create nothing but chaos (destruction) so there is only 1 way that we came about and that was a thought of love (in spiritual terms...). When you draw or paint a picture, write a book, a sheet of music your putting love into that because you care about that. When you don't it is left unfinished or you don't even bother to start it at all. the thought never even crosses your mind to create anything of that nature.

So how why does this matter in a relationship problem. I mean come on your saying if you have a relationship problem it's because one of them hates the other? Thats just obsersered. Well to my thinking yes it is, though some people would think differently and have been down that path. but what i'm getting at is not so much a couple thing but an individual thing...will get into couples later.

I'll start off with my one and only experience with love. Mind you this is my take on my relationship and only mine. I wanted love all my life. The kind that isn't technically manditory (family) the feeling of a complete stranger getting to know you and caring for you so much that they would do anything (within reason) for you. It's the most powerful feeling that you could ever experience in your life if you ask me. I finally had that in my life...what happened? Looking back in retrospect, why did i want love so bad? well ever since prolly puberty I was depressed constantly. I did stupid things even actually drinking kerosine because well who cares my life doesn't matter, Middle school was my grunge years i wouldn't shower i never had clean clothes, I just didn't care about or love myself and what is the product i was creating? a hollow shell. I was destroying myself & my soul after middle school i went to high school and went into the metal stage of my life this was my i'm going to do this and if you don't like it fuck you stage (though i kept on high gene a little better) but i was still projecting hate because of one thing i hated myself and didn't like who i was. after school i moved around the US met a few people that attempted to try and help me because i think they seen how much i did hate myself. It was so quick and out of nowhere. I was living with my friend and his parents and i was working with my friend as well where i was litterately a bitch there.....worst job. but anyway this girl that brian knew from work wanted to go out the one night but i was the only one with a car and i didn't know her (because i don't talk to no one at work except krystal at the time) well we all went to the mall...cause you know thats cool and stuff. I don't know really how i managed but some how i got to talking to her and we got on the subject of jay and silent bob strikes back. she i think went to see it or rented or something with her gay friend but she didn't get to see it all because the gay friend didn't like all the gay jokes. well me being still who i am today completely oblivious to anything (lol and too the girls that i'm attracted to right away i watch every word i say because i don't want them to get the wrong idea.....yeah i'm a dumb fuck whatcha gonna do) i asked if she actually wanted to see it since i had or my friend had it at the house of course she did......and we watched at the max i'd say 15mins of it the rest of the time we were talking up a storm (this has only happened one other time with another girl where i have had that type of connection). anyway took her home she tried kissing me i turned my head like a queer...nervious and preasure of kissing a girl for the first time YIKES. Anyway a red light should have popped up there.....well actually it did i just didn't care. technically at the time she was going out with someone granted by the next day they were no more but these were what i think was the 2 major flaws in our relationship i was looking for love to i can feel good about myself...but i still to this day know how to love i have no doubt in my mind. I let you know that the smile i have on my face is because of you and that sparkle in my eye is there because of you....and granted i may not be perfect i may get angry but at the end of the day you know that no matter what i love you with all my heart, And i think my ex can vouch for that. anyway back to the subject. and I FEEL i repeat I FEEL that she was looking for a way out, someone new because she was done with her other relationship and granted she was attracted to me before that night she still was looking for a way out I FEEL. so again why did it fail.....i loved her in the end truly and she loved me in the end....i don't feel like she at the time had loved herself and i surely didn't love myself and we were holding each other up with our love for each other so what happens when love and hate colide...polar opposites...nothing happens it just is. day in and day out go to work go home go to work go home....no ambition because we didn't love ourselves at the time. that changed prolly 2 years into the relationship I think my ex said enough is enough it's time to change and do something with my life (she is starting to love herself) so we made plans that well kinda went through. she started going to beauty school then after that it was going to be my turn type of thing.....trading the work horse positions so we can get ahead...that never happened i mean a little bit before she started going to beauty school she had had enough of the fighting and the living paycheck to paycheck and left granted we got back together i have my thoughts on that but it's in the past and what is done is done and on january 1st i forget what year lol i think 05 i called her up (because i didn't have a car at the time otherwise i would have done it to her face to show respect) and said it was done not because i didn't love her i loved her with all my heart but i seen her heart just wasn't in it anymore. I took it hard....mainly because 2 days later she was with someone who she is now married to. but it was a knife to the heart at the time because i still loved her and still would have married her in a heart beat and then to find out how little she loved me that it seemed like not even a second guess. so that was the most painful experiences in my life and for 2 and a half years i struggled which is now why i am so spiritual that i am now. and without this women who i'm trying to prove my point that love is all that you need in this blog i truly don't know if i would have been able to cope as well as i have. since the middle of 2007 i've been able to start to grow to truly love myself and since i've made some changes in my life and a big one is moving away from the town that had all that negetive energy clung to it I'm on top of the world right now and have never been happier in my life. I have goals now i want to better my life because i love myself. frankly sure if someone came along and we hit it off it would be really great i'd love that....but the difference now is i don't NEED that. In fact i have already meantioned it to some people if someone wanted to start dating me or whatever i think i'd prolly have to turn them down...i'm doing what i need to do now to make myself happy if your still around when i come back, sure but not until i create the world i want to live in first.

so my point i'm getting across. in order for you to truly love somebody you need to love yourself. if there is a counter balence one of you is growing and the other is stagnet there is a problem in there love of themself or there love for you. when the love of yourself is givin to the one you love there is only one thing that can come from it creation granted this has to be done on both levels the other one has to love themselves as well and they must share that love that they have for them selves (put it in easier terms...each has to want to share there happiness with each other) the idea also to this is no one will be taking more then the other the ego will not get in the way because you will both be getting love and the love will build...this is best demonstrated at the end of the movie The Celestine Prophecy if you haven't seen it go watch it (sorry i sadly can't find a link...there used to be one). on the other hand you can have someone who loves them selves and is sharing there love and happiness with someone who doesn't love themselves and there just going to be taking taking taking and eventually that love is going to run out and there going to be alone because someone can only share so much love and so much happiness before there is nothing left to give if there not recieving the same in return.

this is the very reason why i think love is all you need and it is enough....i think we need to step back and look at our situation a little better. there will be no future if there is no love for yourself in order for you to want to grow.

and what you end up with is this