Someone very close to me just gave me a wake up call.

For a long time I have been trying to fight the system not really the typical system that people refer to (you know like "the machine"). but the things that your supposed to do to progress in life....i've fought that for a long time there is prolly an even deeper story behind it but i can't seem to dig it up but my excuse has always been "i want someone to love me for me, not what i've accomplished or what i make." and just recently someone who i highly respect and oozes love told me it's not enough...and with her i know without a doubt that is true because she is an honest loving person and wouldn't think irrationally like i think most women do....so she is stuck in a jam right now in her life...i won't get into details because it's not my place to say anything.....BUT it did wake me up....what am i doing...and who am i doing this for in my life. I'm not getting anywhere and i'm feeling like i'll never get anybody in my life.....so i'm making the move. whether it works out or not i can always get enough money to start over again.....my action plan by the end of this year have my GED i'm screwing the classes and just going for the test if i fail it get up and try it again...i mean i'll brush up on my math skills at home since well i only really need to worry about fractions and that crap...which if i remember they are easy i just forget how to do it. then next year work on getting financial aid and start college and major in audio engineering...if i can have 2 minors i'll go for public relations (i seriously need to learn how to not be so antisocial and most definitely if i'm planning on doing what i would like to do). and then another minor would be theology just for my own personal knowledge.

so thats the plan.....i really like this music stuff.....even though i have no music theory really...i mean i know some basic stuff...i enjoy it even though i know my stuff aint the greatest....which usually i'll drop stuff very quickly if i'm not getting the best results right way.....yeah i know stupid but thats just how i am...so i really think this will be a great thing for me...i will get to meet new people and network....something i need to really work on just in life in general...but yeah i want to do my own music but i'd also am looking to become a producer for other bands....and i'm iching already to get a studio built just for myself...so i figure why not go for it because i aint getting any younger and in life you really just have to pick something because the reality is most of us will never know what we truly want to be...and there is always more time to go to school to try something else down the road if i'm truly not happy with this.

plus then i will also have the reiki and reflexology too on the back burner